Title: Burn

Rating: G

Disclaimer: Not mine....

Let me try to describe to you the feelings that have plagued me now for several nights. It is only in that way, that you, the reader, can understand the drive and fire that have caused me, and one close to me, to hurtle ourselves down this path on which we stand. And it is important, more important than you can ever guess, that others know of our struggles, and so I will strive to get this situation understood. I'll start by describing a landscape, one with which I have become intimately associated.

Bright, intense, explosively unsettling, this landscape greets those who see it with exuberance. The colors are sharp, and standing as you do, encased in white light, you feel as though you have never known what green is. Or what blue is. That this is the initiation into reality; the experience of color is felt, not just seen. The complexions are ridden with clarity; not muddled. Oh so bright, oh so absolutely stabbing in its ability to tear into your being. This is the landscape that I call truth. Others might call it self-awareness, cognizance...spiritual birth...heaven. All is clear, all is uncontaminated; here lies are banished. They cannot stand the burning, the cleansing of the light. Everything is as I imagine it was always meant to be- not as society has dictated that we perceive it to be, but more on that train of thought later. It is beautiful; however, one cannot view oneself in the light. To do so would be to view oneself as the inefficient collection of biological function and upheaval of emotion that one is. Awareness would exist that we, as humans, are unable to handle the truth of our imperfect and unimportant existence on the grand scale of things. Essentially, if this scenery represents the existence of reality before the expulsion from Eden, than this inability to view ourselves in this light is our concession to the fruit of knowledge. But still, even with this powerful and painful exposure to the truth, it is splendid to experience the world as maybe we were once expected to have: clean, clear, and colorful.

Now, hang with me here. As I just said, one cannot experience oneself in this environment. And, as the inquisitive person that you are, you probably want to know why we cannot. I feel it is because of submersion of our conventional reality into the muddled mists of constructed truth. I feel that since the dawn of society, we as human beings have thirsted for structure, for the construction of a framework that could allow us to have a peaceful existence. And, there were those of our kind that rose to the occasion, striving to create this that we craved; and the rest of us allowed the transfer of power. The reality constituted was one devoid of startling, and enlightening, aspects that would threaten the framework. We became ones unable to get in touch with those aspects, eliminating ability to see the original reality that we left for a safer existence. Some of the brightness was removed; hence the landscape became muted, dull, but quite comfortable. We are creatures of this world now; this is all that we know, all that we can know, about ourselves, about life. But, to get back to that I was telling you before, I have had dreams, feelings, of the brighter place. I have tasted it, felt it, experienced it. And because of that, the landscape that I walk is now a kaleidoscope of colors and patterns. AT once dark and at once light, the shadows here fight to exist in the darkness as visible color fights separation from white light. All in all, this scenery is confusing and painful to try and navigate.

But, mind you, that it is only painful to those that try and walk in the muted landscape as direct light shines upon them. For those who have never tasted of the fruit of enlightenment, and for those who have never experienced the dulling of constructed reality- existence is unstrained, grand and quite easy to survive; no dilemmas, no confusion is presented. I used to view either situation as ignorance and sought to laugh at it; now I know that this ignorance is indeed a blessing, and upon realization of my lost bliss, I know that I am unable to re-attain that for what I now wish. No, I have knowledge, self-awareness, and with it the pain. Essentially, hell.

I hear you asking: who am I? Who is this person that has experienced heaven and hell, awareness and ignorance? I am a woman, simply a woman. To those close to me, painfully few now, I am known as Dana. They still see the person that exists as they do, in muted bliss, dulled. I am the daughter, the sister, the friend; but they know only a portion of my being. To one other, similar to myself, I am Scully. Scully is the being that I have become, who am I now and into whom I am evolving. He is the one with which I travel; he experiences the shifting and colliding landscape as I do. And, no, to answer your question: he is not cold and separatist as his choice of communication shows. He is only cold to those that burn with lies; separatist from those who will not try to know him. He is warm, protective, my valiant knight, and my spiritual lover. And he is simply a man, Mulder. Known to only his mother as Fox, his evolution past that boy occurred well before I met him. He had been waiting by the gate of this kaleidoscope path when I encountered him, only waiting eagerly for me to join him. And we are known only to each other in our new and complicated entirety. We are traveling, lost explorers seeking the ability to jump completely into the light, as the return to muted is blocked. It is only he and only I, us- we; no one else understands or sympathizes.

Occasionally, high overhead, a sweeping beam will flash. We will stop, gaze after it, striving to understand where it came from and what it needs to show. Each of us steels ourselves to brave this light; it knows no allies, it knows no boundaries, eventually it will fall on us. It is pure truth. And, in order for our discovery of those hidden original truths to occur, we must allow for it to reveal our truths in ourselves. But, as I hold the hand of my partner, friend and soulmate, I know that we must endure. We must accomplish. We must understand. To live, to die, to exist on planes we have yet to find, he and I must pursue this light. Both worlds have shunned us; we are both too dark for the shadowed world and too bright together for the enlightened world. It is only in the culmination of our travels in the swirls of light and dark that we might find a place to rest and exist with the happiness that is essential and promised to each person. Our love helps to light and warm us; our friendship will sustain us until that time.

I tell you this; I pass this knowledge of our path onto you, a reader, that so you understand the path. It is our warning to those left behind: Do not enter, inner peace and contentment is left at the gate. Once started on this path, one cannot turn back. Stay where you are...do not follow, but strive to understand. Mulder and I will return to this treasured existence someday, and with us a return of more light to the scenery. We will dispel some doubts, conquer some lies so that a more truthful and complete existence can be forged here. Most, however, cannot handle the light, and it will have to remain elusive to them; it cannot be shared with all. Prepare for it. Strive for the understanding of it. Be content..remain partially ignorant. Let us burn with the pain of truth. Let us burn.