The Beginning

Disclaimer: Qui-Gon belongs to Lucas...no money is made...no infringment, really...I promise....Idea is something like Deep Impact...and it is the property of Dreamworks. Again, no infringment meant.

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Pain and loneliness.

This must be survivor’s guilt.

You glance down at your infant son. And out at the throngs of people running toward the ship. Hair, arms, legs, and clothes mesh together in a living sea of persons. Only a thin sheet of plexiglass separates you and the masses surrounding the ship. You are one of the chosen, as is your son. A consort of a Jedi Knight and a Jedi Knight’s sons, you and your sons are among those that have been chosen to live.

Tears…screams….small children held high…pleas….begging…blood….swirls around you. Shouting….assaulting…throwing….anger.

“Momma?” Young Qui-Gon tugs on your hand.

“Yes, my dear?”

“Daddy?”

“Is on Coruscant…. We’ll be seeing him soon.”

“Home?” Qui-Gon’s pale blue eyes stare up at you as he holds tightly to your hand.

You swallow and look out the window again at the anguish surrounding you. “I explained it to you before, Qui…we have to leave home…the planet is not well.”

“You mean it will not be there tomorrow…” You glance, startled, down at the young boy who holds your hand. You have not mentioned to him what is going on around you. “It is destroying itself, I heard you talking with Daddy before…”

You nod, knowing that he knows more than you can ever explain to him. Near you, you see a friend holding her child high for you to see. It tugs at your soul, at your feelings, at your mind. You have lived your life, and yet it is you that are chosen over those that have their whole life to live. Chosen and yet heartbroken, you sit here on the only possible way to survive.

“Last boarding!”

The solider in a red uniform stands at the head of the ramp, a gun held firmly in his hand. The screams around you rise to an unbearable pitch. Your eyes travel over the crowd again, seeing persons from your past and those you have never seen previously. You eye the friend again…a young girl with a young son. And suddenly you know what you have to do.

Rising you turn to Qui-Gon, placing his brother in his young arms. “Watch your brother, Qui-Gon…and be a good boy. Take the papers to the men on the planet when you land…they will find Daddy.”

“Momma?” he turns his eyes to yours again. He understands, but his youth makes him feel lost and alone…you can see that.

“Callie needs a place here…her and her son, Qui-Gon.”

He nods slowly, hugging his brother to his chest. “She is a youth as well.”

“And youth is needed to carry on the civilization.” You say, tears beginning to blind your eyes. The emptiness in your stomach is nothing compared to the pain you had previously…you have made a decision with which you feel you can live. “Be good, Qui-Gon and remember that I always love you….that I have always loved you. Tell your brother…watch out for him.”

Before your son can say anything else…you stand and walk to the door. You pull the guard aside and whisper that you are exchanging your place with the woman that you point out to him. He nods, pushing through the crowd to grab Callie and her daughter and you follow him down the ramp into the throng. Callie passes you, holding her daughter…mouthing ‘thank you’.

You nod.

You feel dead…you feel like most of the world is swirling around you. You hear nothing distinct. Your children. Your life.

It will continue through them.

You are pushed to the side but you can still see in the window…you can still see Qui-Gon, his brown hair shiny and his blue eyes wide over the head of his brother. So like his father, that boy. He will be a Jedi. So strong.

The guard backs into the shuttle…you see Callie stumble into your old seat and hug Qui-Gon. He lifts his brother to Callie and settles it seems into the seat. The shuttle lifts silently from the ground, stirring dust around the ground.

And you see his face against the window. You can not see the tears on his face, but all you can see is his mouth open saying “Mommy…”

It is the last thing that you remember, the last thing that you actually feel for the last three days of your life…the anguish in your son’s face. He will be a great Jedi….you know it…just like his father.